Amazing Grace and Catherine the Great

Today I'm going to share how God used 2 females in my life to finally bring me back to His fold...

When I got pregnant with my first child, I was working at a cancer research center. There was a woman I worked with who we called, "Amazing Grace". She was near my mom's age and we became fast friends. Grace had been diagnosed with breast cancer before I met her and was on a maintenance regimen when her cancer came back with a vengeance. I had started attending church on a regular basis, so when she was diagnosed, I really struggled with the concept of bad things happening to good people. It was also hard to work in the oncology field and see first hand what you knew was not going to be a good outcome happening right before your eyes. Grace put up a heck of a fight, but by the time my son had his first birthday in November, Grace was starting to lose the battle, and by Easter she had gone into hospice services. I went to see Grace at her home the Wednesday before she passed and basically said what was my final goodbye. She knew me and my husband were trying to get pregnant again(that is a story for another day), and she asked me if I was, and I told her no and she replied in true Grace fashion, "Well I know you will have fun continuing to try".

I had gone to a Saturday evening Easter service that weekend and was on a spiritual high when I got the call that she had passed. Even though I knew it was coming, I was still shocked to the core at losing her when I had just regained my relationship with God. But even as I was crying I had a incredible sense of peace wash over me and I turned to my husband and said "I now know why Grace had to pass, because our baby was coming". Now to backtrack, I had taken a pregnancy test that very day that was negative, but I knew in my heart, that I was pregnant. My husband said that he knew how much I wanted to be pregnant, but he thought I was just stressed out, but I just knew in that instant, that I was. I humored him and said that he was probably right, but I took another test a week later, and I was indeed pregnant! That day was Grace's service, but I didn't want to tell anyone and take the focus off of Grace. I waited a month before I told her husband and what he said astounded me..." He said that Grace had told him that last Wednesday I saw her that, "Carol and Chai are pregnant again, they just don't know it." This was the same day I had told her that I was not pregnant.

Fast forward 2 more months and I was still struggling with losing Grace and being happy with being pregnant when I had a dream about Grace and in it she told me she was ok and that I was having a girl. Again, I had an overwhelming peace wash over me, and I knew that she really was ok. I went for my ultrasound a week later and when they asked if I wanted to know the sex, I said that I already knew it was girl-which it was! People were amazed when I told them the story of Grace, but to me, it was just God confirming his love and plan for me. This pregnancy was a challenge, as I had morning sickness for 5 months and then when I got over that, my daughter decided to get into a breech position and proceeded to play soccer with my bladder for the rest of the pregnancy. We were hoping my daughter would change position on her own, but she did not, so we scheduled a c-section for 39 weeks. At 36 weeks I could not even walk without crying due to her position, so we did an amnio to see if her lungs were mature. The results said that they were good, and I had a c-section at 36 weeks plus 6 days(aka, within the safe zone to take a baby early). My daughter came out perfect- crying loudly and with good APGAR scores and actually I held her in my arms as they wheeled my bed back to my room. My husband went with her to the nursery so they could bathe her, but unbeknownst to me, within a half hour she crashed and had to be intubated. My husband came back to the room and told me the news just as I had finished making the joyous phone calls that she was here. In an instant my world crashed around me as the doctors came in with a million questions, but no real answers. One doctor when asked what the worst case scenario was said, "She might not make it through the night". And on top of that she had to be transferred to another hospital as the one we were at did not have a NICU designation for a baby on a ventilator. My husband and I made the decision for him to go with her to the other hospital.

My in-laws were watching my 2 year old and my family were all back in the Midwest, so I was all alone in my room and did the only thing that I could think of and I prayed. I told God that from day 1 of this child's conception, I knew that she was meant to be ours, that I had felt that peace every step of the way in this pregnancy that told me she was meant to be with us. But I also told God, that if He needed her for His purposes, then for Him to take her. I cried with all of my soul, but said to the Lord, "She is yours", and in that instant, I again had peace; Sweet wonderful, deep-in-my soul peace. I found out later that in that same moment I surrendered my daughter to God, that the doctors had found the problem, and had implemented a treatment that was working and that she would be ok. And she was, and is...She is 17 years old today and has never had any major residual effects from being on the ventilator. Catherine Mae, aka, Catherine the Great, is a beautiful, creative, smart young woman with a huge zest for life and boundless energy and is my constant reminder that, "God is in control".

I the next blog I will share how God used my 3rd child in an equally powerful way.